Be THAT Grandparent

 

“Strive to be the listening ear and helping hand that EVERY Grandchild deserves”

It is important for someone your age to have that one thing in your life that lights up your life. In most cases the answer to this question is your grandchildren. The kids that greet you at the door with a hug or a kiss or when saying goodbye, they tell you how much they love you. What you may not see or know is that individual is suffering on this inside. Being afraid to attend to school, afraid to talk about their situation, or being afraid no one will listen or believe them. As a grandparent your grandchildren should have a connection with you that they can talk to you about their life, especially when they are being bullied. As a grandmother or grandfather, you should provide your granddaughter/grandson with an ear to listen, provide him/her with support and advice, and keep a promise.

As a grandparent your role in your grandchild’s life is more of an impact then you may realize. Your love, affection, sympathy, personality, humor, and stories influence their lives in the given moment but also in their lives forever. Creating a close relationship with your grandchild, makes them aware of the fact that you will always be a hand to help, an ear to listen, and a body to hug. It is your role to share family stories, make sure he/she knows how loved they are, believe in the individual that they are, be their playmate, set a good example, show them down the right path, give them the time, and learn from the individual he/she may be.

You listen to what your grandchild has to say, and you begin to ponder about what you can do to help them overcome this obstacle. There are numerous suggestions you as the grandparent can offer, and all suggestions might not be fitting for each child and their situation. The first step every grandparent should do is let the child know that he/she can open up to you about anything. The child should know you will sit and listen and not get frustrated or disappointed. It is important that the grandparent asks the child questions. However, the adult should not pry information or details out of the child if he/she is not ready to share or elaborate. Be informed that the child will share when they are ready too.  

The child should be aware that they are doing the right thing by coming to discuss the situation with an adult and it is not tattling. In some cases, a grandparent may want to share a personal experience and how they coped with it and what they did to overcome it. Research has shown grandchildren will understand and deal with their personal situations, like bullying, when their grandparent has experienced or has seen something similar. A grandparent should also suggest to their child that they should inform their parent. This will allow the child to hear from another adult and will explain the changes at home. 

To add, let the child know that their story is safe with you and will not be shared with others unless it is harmful and concerning for their life and other lives around them. The child should keep a log about all the incidents that happen, this will give the teacher and other adults a visual and proof of everything that has happen when the child was not ready to share their story. You as their grandparent can also help the child with the right and wrong ways to address bullying. Encourage him/her to use their words rather than actions.

Some grandparents may say that bullying is a situation kids need to overcome by themselves, however every child who is bullied needs to have a support system and an individual that always has their back. That close bond between a grandparent and child will play a large role into this action. Approximately 64% of children do not inform a trusted adult about being bullied. To decrease this percentage, every child needs to be aware that their is someone on their side, a grandparent could be that person. It has been noted that 56.3% of children that have addressed their bullying situation to an adult, have noticed a positive outcome in bullying. Knowing there is a trusted adult will change the situation for the better. 

Be that grandparent who hugs their grandchildren a little harder and an ear to listen and let the child know what is said is between you and them. Vocalize that you are proud of who they are and the choices they are making, not only in circumstances like bullying, but always. 

Personal Experience:

When my sister was bullied, I remember her not being comfortable talking to my mom about the situation, however she was comfortable talking to our Grammy Carol. I remember sitting in on conversations and seeing my Gram in her chair, listening, and nodding her head as my sister told her story. My gram would chime in on things my sister could say to the bullies and the right ways to approach the situation. One thing that I remember my Gram saying,

“Lydia, you did the right thing by telling me what is going on and I want you to know that you can always talk to me and I will listen.”

My grandma almost 15 years later tells Lydia how proud she is that she gets the opportunity to say she is her granddaughter, because of the life impacting event that happened to her in middle school.